These Go To Eleven

The Ten Most Annoying People on the Internet

---Broken Brain---

Besides you, of course.  Unless you fall into one of these categories, which you probably do.  It seems more and more every day like damned near everyone on the internet is just around to piss me off.  You'll notice that a lot of these groups have equivalent groups in the real world (and on the Real World).  They are often even more annoying on the internet, though, because it's way harder to punch them.

The Ten Best New American Earth Day Traditions

---Broken Brain---

Earth Day is a sort of important holiday (I guess), and it gives many of us the urge to do something good for the environment, at least for a day.  The problem, though, is that Americans really aren't very good at the whole "environmentalism" thing.  In an effort to help out, we give you the Ten Best New American Earth Day Traditions.

The Only Ten Groups that are Allowed to Wear Beards Longer than Two Inches

---Broken Brain---

This is it.  All of them.  If you don't fall into one of these categories, and you're rocking the three-inch beard, you need to trim that shit.  Look, I know, it's painful to accept.  I once wore my beard down to mid-chest.  I thought that it was OK to do that.  I was wrong.  Dreadfully, painfully wrong, and so is your beard.  Go, deal with this now.  It'll be better this way, I promise.  We'll give you a moment alone with your gross-ass face-raccoon to say goodbye.  Then we're cutting it off like Kelsey Grammar right before he drives home.

The Ten Most Dangerous Movie Animals

---Broken Brain---

Most of the time, if you've got a movie with an animal in it, it's about some snot-nosed human youth's relationships with the creature.  Dogs are common.  Every once in a while, though, a movie comes along that dares to remind us that our animal "friends" are really just hanging around waiting for their chance to eat us.  Here are ten of the best.