These Go To Eleven: Ten Greatest Breakup Songs

---Broken Brain---

No, I haven't gone through a breakup in a while. Granted, the last one was pretty brutal, but this list is born not so much from my life these days as just from my love of good breakup songs. You can tell that I haven't gone through one lately because this list isn't full of Alannis Morisette and Tori Amos and Dido and Jewel. Wait, scratch that. Pretend I said something way more manly. Let's face it, most pop music is about love, and some of the best pop songs are about the wrong side of it. Here are 10 of them.

NOTE: It's become traditional to put links to the respective YouTube videos on lists like this. I was going to do so, until I realized that you people might not be absolute idiots. If you want to find the videos yourself, it'll take you ten seconds.

11.) The Violent Femmes - Gone Daddy Gone

OK, a big part of this one is personal. I can't hear this song without thinking about a breakup that happened in the tenth grade. She was my first love, it ended badly, and the fact is you never totally get over that first one. Sure, you claim to, but it's always with you, and every relationship for the rest of your life will be colored by those lenses.

10.) Righteous Brothers - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

I'll fess up to it: it was Top Gun that pushed this one over the top onto this list. Still, it's a great song, and it covers the part of the breakup that not many songs go into: the time just before it really ends, when you realize that, for the other person, it's already over. Dammit, Maverick, couldn't you have saved Goose? He was the only person who truly loved you! Damn you!

9.) Marvin Gaye/CCR - I Heard it Through the Grapevine

One of the rare times when I'll list two singers for the same song. While Marvin Gaye made it famous, CCR's version is also amazing, and neither of them wrote it (or even recorded it first). If you don't know why this song is on this list, then there's something deeply wrong with your upbringing.

8.) Janis Joplin - Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

Like Tom Waits (see number 2), Janis Joplin was born to sing about breakups. Man, that voice. Good God. You want pain? Here's your fucking pain. Bobby McGee was also considered for this list, but in the end I decided that that feels like a long-term lament, while Take has that immediate feel of in the heat of the breakup.

7.) Ben Folds Five - Song for the Dumped

I don't know if you're aware of this, but every breakup in history has involved a girl holding her ex's black t-shirt hostage. Or, worse, a hoodie. Man, I miss that hoodie. Anyway, Song for the Dumped has helped more wussy little white guys deal with their anger by driving around screaming along with another wussy little white guy than any other song. Which, come to think of it, is a pretty specific honor. I love this song. Because I'm a wussy little white guy who needs to deal with his residual anger. Maybe in healthier ways than on a public blog.

6.) Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive

The original Girl Power song, I Will Survive is one of those songs that cannot be ignored, even though you've heard it a million (actually only like five hundred thousand, but excuse my hyperbole) times. It's so popular, though, for a good damned reason. It's an extraordinarily powerful song, and it has certainly led to millions of young girls dancing around half-naked in their bedrooms singing along at the top of their lungs. Probably many guys, too. Not that I have. No, really.

5.) Ray Charles - Hit the Road Jack

Ray Charles is a God. This one may be the single quintessential breakup song. So why isn't it at the top of the list? I don't know. It just isn't.

4.) Johnny Cash - Delia's Gone

The Man in Black did everything right. And man, if you're going to break up, do it right. Hunt that cheating whore down, tie her to a chair, and fill her full of bullets from a submachine gun. Come to think of it, that may be overdoing it a bit. Still, this song exists so that you can feel justified about sending that totally inappropriately angry email (which is currently being passed around her office so that everyone can laugh at your angst; after all, everyone but you knows that she was fucking her boss the whole time). One more round.

3.) Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Were Made for Walkin'

Don't call Nancy Sinatra a one-hit wonder. Because she'll kick your fucking teeth in. Seriously.

2.) Tom Waits - Every Song Tom Waits Ever Sang. Ever.

Choosing which Tom Waits song is the best Breakup Song is kind of like trying to choose which Black Metal band sucks the most, and the only answer for both is, "all of them." Tom Waits, a piano, a hundred cigarettes, and a bottle of cheap bourbon. That, my friend, is a breakup.

1.) Lynyrd Skynyrd - Freebird

You know what? Fuck you. Yes, it may be one of the most overplayed songs in history, but Freebird is one of the greatest, purest expressions of the feeling that things are drawing to a close, that it's time to move on, that you can't get tied down right now. This song says perfectly the feeling of what may be the worst sort of breakup, and that qualifies it for the number one spot. Also, hearing this song out of the blue has actually made the decision for me to break a relationship off not once, but twice. Can't beat that.

Honorable Mentions:

Roy Orbison - Crying - This is possibly one of the most depressing songs of all time. Almost made it.

The Murmurs - You Suck - This 90's not-quite-hit manages to be hilarious and intense at the same time.

Ricky Nelson - Lonesome Town - Maybe this one should be on the list, but I feel like it's too removed from the breakup itself.

the Beatles - Yesterday - You've got to have the Beatles, right? Turns out you don't.

J Geils Band - Love Stinks - Yeah, yeah.

U2 - One - Again, this one almost went on, if only because I think that it's hilarious that it gets played at weddings a lot. Then again, I kind of want to punch Bono in the kidneys sometimes, so no.

The Dollyrots - Jackie Chan - This is a rather violent song. It's also unspeakably cute. Love it: check it out.

No Doubt - Don't Speak - Hell, all of Tragic Kingdom. Wasn't that whole album about the bassist or something? Man, that must have been hard to sit through every single night, watching her pour all of that nonsense out and having to sit and take it.

The Ramones - Glad to See You Go - See above, RE: Beatles

The Bouncing Souls - Wish Me Well (You Can Go To Hell) - I just have a huge soft spot for the Bouncing Souls.

Comments

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gardenhead/leave me alone by neutral milk hotel.

Posted by: sándor | March 24, 2008 at 01:16 AM

Alkaline Trio - Radio
Butch Walker - Best Thing You Never Had

Two more i haven't seen here that are pretty good for a breakup...

Posted by: CultureRevolt | March 24, 2008 at 02:37 AM

No need to argue - Cranberries

Posted by: Dolores O'Riordan | March 24, 2008 at 05:27 AM

I like the list. Add "Goodwill Hunting By Myself" by Ludo.
"Remember when we were sitting on your couch, watching Good Will Hunting, holding hands and drinking milkshakes? But milkshakes melt, people change. And you dumped me, on my birthday, right after I bought you that really expensive... THING... from the Body Shop called... Jojoba... Loofah... Milk towel, or something. That I sold a hundred and forty seven Cutco knives to afford but hey! Whatever! I'm happy now." It only gets better (worse?) from there.

Posted by: Rachel A. | March 25, 2008 at 04:43 PM

Good list with some good choices, especially 10, 9, 6 & 5. I would have used Me & Bobby McGee, the temporal aspect aside. And perhaps in the same vein, Fire & Rain by James Taylor has to be one of the saddest laments ever. It would have been on my list as would It's My Party by Leslie Gore.

Posted by: RickG | March 25, 2008 at 05:13 PM